Will being thin again, make me happy?

I am one of them. A woman desperate to lose weight. I'm counting calories, fat grams, and working out. All to lose weight. I've been thin my entire life. I love working out and I never have been a big eater. Staying thin was never an issue for me. Then my dad died... in a gym. This is going to sound ridiculous, but every since my dad died on a treadmill at Ballys Total Fitness, I have panic attacks when ever I go in a gym (especially Ballys). It's not just me. My husband freaks out at them now as well. My dad died 4 years ago. Yes, that means I haven't worked out in 4 years! To top it all off, I've given birth to 2 little boys in the past 3 years. I still don't eat much, but not working out and 2 pregnancies has done nothing for my figure.

So, I'm going through all of these trials and tribulations to be thin again. With my "Gymaphobia", I've taken to running outside, biking, and using my elliptical in the basement. I'm doing all of this so I can be a size 8 again, and... and...and.... what? Get a man? Nope, got one of those. Wear pretty clothes? Nope, I've been "Servin' it up" lately. Why am I doing this? Ok, we can give the requisit to be healthy response. I'll buy that. Half my family, on both sides, have had obesity related issues, including my father, so being healthy is certainly a good idea. But, that's it. I'm actually happy with who I am. Can you believe it?!?! I am a 33 year old black woman who is content with her life. I'm happy!

Now, of course, I could use more money, a change in career, and a little more quiet in my life, but all-in-all... life is good. I'm still going to try and lose this weight I've managed to gain over the past 4 years. It's just nice to know that being thin will only add to my joy, not dictate it.